It’s funny, the way things take on momentum against your will, and get bigger even as they pick up speed, like a snowball rolling downhill. La Russophobe started writing foolishness for a hobby in 2006 and now, 4 years later, foolishness seems to have taken over her entire personality. If this gigantic ball of stupidity is any standard of measure, there should be some people waiting for her just outside, with a white coat that only has one sleeve.
The poster-child for Nuts Everywhere wants you to believe that the recently-released action blockbuster “Salt” has obvious parallels in reality – notably, that the entirely fictional events portrayed by actors and actresses in this film are representative of the lives of the Russian “spy ring” exposed in the United States this year, although none were charged with espionage. Oh, and that “The world of Russia shown in this film….is as (sic) world of horrific violence and self-destruction, of pathological ideological hatred, of crime and corruption beyond all human imagining”, despite the film having been shot entirely in New York and Washington. Of a cast of 101, only 2 are actually Russians – there are as many Poles in this movie as Russians. The Russian president (Olek Krupa) is Polish. Did I mention this film was a work of fiction? Or that it was originally cast for a male lead (Tom Cruise)? Or that shooting began in 2009, when the real-life “spy ring” was still completely anymous (except to the FBI, who followed them around for years; perhaps the FBI were consultants for the film)?
Sigh. I suppose since we’re here, we may as well take a look at these allegations. All right, lets see……Evelyn Salt, the lead in the film, is a CIA agent who would presumably be the parallel for Anna Chapman (no relation) in the real-life “spy drama”. Well, considering the life of a realty-firm manager is unlikely to offer the excitement of being a CIA agent, are there any parallels at all? Hmmm…. well, the film synopsis says Evelyn Salt (Angelina Jolie) comes into possession of the knowledge that there is a plot to assassinate the visiting Russian president (who is actually a Pole). Off the top of my head, I’d say information like that would be classified. Anna Chapman knew no classified information at all; or if she did, she never told anyone, including her bosses, which would make her kind of a loser spy. CIA agent Evelyn Salt is highly regarded by her supervisors. I hate to belabour the point, but what would most supervisors think of a real spy who never gave them any secrets? Evelyn Salt, in the chase scenes, jumps from the back of one tractor-trailer to another while both are moving at highway spreeds. Anna Chapman? I’m afraid not. Evelyn Salt and a supposed NATO mole who is in reality a Russian double-agent (I guess that would make him a mole-mole) go to the White House, detonate a bomb and start shooting the place up – they pursue the President and his (yes, it’s still a man) bodyguards to the secret bunker, where Salt kills all his bodyguards. Anna Chapman? Never did anything like that, I’m afraid. After knocking the President unconscious, the real Russian agent begins to initiate a nuclear missile launch against Tehran and Mecca. Secret Service agents break in and arrest Evelyn Salt, letting the agent go, but Salt jumps him and strangles him with her chains. Anna Chapman? Ha, ha, ha…..sorry.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that La Russophobe has not seen the film. Or she did, but ate some bad popcorn which made her see “pathological ideological hatred, crime and corruption beyond all human imagining” in what was basically a fairly-predictable escapist action flick.
What do the papers say (after things calmed down a little) about the elite “spy ring”? Well, for starters, that they were instructed not to seek government jobs, because their cover stories likely would not stand up under examination. Remember, this is the same government in which Sarah Palin was the governor of an entire state; someone who thinks she understands Russian policies because you can see Russia from Alaska. Uh huh. The “spies”, we’re told, received instructions that sounded pretty much like a job assignment for journalists – try to obtain information that is unknown to the public but revealed in private by sources close to State Department, government, major think tanks. Their actual efforts had more in common with lobbyists than espionage agents.
This should not suggest that there are not real spies in the United States. There are. And they have done serious damage. To date, though, there haven’t been any movies made that dramatize their activities to the extent that they’ve been noticed by La Russophobe.
Maybe I’ll make one. I think I’ll call it “Kosher Salt”.